The Governor General and Me!

Good News! I heard the Aloha plane come in last night.

Depending on whom I want to believe, the plane is either totally full or totally empty. Guess I won't know till I get to the airport around 11:00pm tonight. It’s going to be really iffy about getting all the way through to Vancouver - what with it being American Thanksgiving and all!

On Saturday I woke up to the strains of Island music. Music I use to find novel and refreshing was now beginning to sound like Sonny and Cher's "I've Got You, Babe" in Groundhog Day.

And just when you think it can't get worse, the Island’s one ATM machine is down. Trapped on a tropical Island with no ATM! Am I going to be forced to forage for food? The neighbour’s goat is beginning to look good!

Today, for the last time, I decided to walk into town and see what was doing (again carefully avoiding the Avis Lot). I went to the area they have the weekend town fair, and there was a special event happening. Evidentially New Zealand's Governor General was paying a trip to the Islands and all of the who's who in Rarotonga showed up. I don't want to say security was lax, but there was one Rarotonga Police guy there (the rest were selling driver's licenses to the tourists) who had an earphone, trying to look very official - except it wasn't attached to anything!

I ran into the Governor General while she was looking at local handicrafts in what would be the Rarotonga Hadassah Bazaar. I actually got her to pose for two pictures for me. Imagine trying to get Adrienne Clarkson, (our Governor General) to pose for pics. She'd charge me a hundred bucks a photo!

I spent rest of the day sitting around the deck shooting the breeze with folks I'd met and reading. I decided to take one final look for presents. I visited all the same tacky stores I'd visited at least twice before. I finally decided I had to get something for the kids. After an hour I was about to leave when I spotted some nice looking hats (2 for 35.00) I grabbed four and figured I had the presents covered. I should have looked at them more carefully, because when I got home and gave one to Elan, it sat on his head like a yarmulke! I bought 4 children's hats! I guess I can take them back next time I go!

Finally it was time to head to the airport - again. This time it was open and there was an Aloha plane on the ground.

Check in was novel there. First of all there is no computers at the check-in desk - and there's only ONE of those. My check in was accompanied by much head scratching, looking in all sorts of lists and numerous trips to the corner office for consultations. After a scant 20 minutes I had my ticket and was heading to security when the clerk chased me down. I had left my passport!

My luggage was thoroughly checked by Rarotonga security. Like what was I going to do? Hijack the plane and crash it into a grass hut on Aitataki? My Palm Pilot mystified them. Evidentially they'd never seen one before.

"What does it do?" the security guy asked?

I explained to him all the marvelous things it could do.

"Can't you just use a pad and paper for most of that?" He asked.

I confided I generally use a pad and paper most of the time too. But having one was a great conversation starter.

A short 3 hours later (it took them that long to check in the 40 people on the flight) we were in the air to Honolulu. Everybody had his or her own row to sleep in.

Once we landed in Honolulu the adrenalin started running again. Would I get on the rest of the way home? I was traveling on American Thanksgiving Sunday - the busiest travel day of the year. I cleared American Customs and had to drag my bags about a block to the Aloha terminal. Once I got there I went to the ticket wicket and, imitating my friend Larry, did my best to shmooze the ticket agent. I must have done a great job, because she gave me a ticket and told me to go to the gate and check there about availability. She also circled the highest security alert on my ticket, and when I went to go through security I was politely taken aside by two security people and given a thorough, and I mean thorough checking. (Incidentally my shoes have been x-rayed so many times on this trip that they glow in the dark). However, there were four empty seats and I did get on.

Getting through customs back in Vancouver was a bit dodgy, as I had forgotten about the little piece of smoked Marlin I had in my luggage. I kept noticing the signs warning me of a $400.00 fine for undeclared foodstuff. Luckily I wasn't checked and my contraband marlin and me re-entered Canada safe and sound.

I guess I've done it all during this trip - except get home. It was very hot and humid there the last few days, so even Vancouver rain was inviting – at least for a day or so. Now that it's all over, people ask me if I'd change anything if I had it to do over again. You know what? I don't think I'd change a thing.

So where to next?? I’m thinking maybe Guam and Saipan.

Stuck in Paradise

I went by the neighbours today, and saw they were building a big bandstand for the wedding. I confirmed that I wouldn’t be able to stay for the event and shortly after saw her two sons dragging a huge squealing big by the back legs to the kitchen and big black pot. The pig was looking at me rather accusingly – like maybe Dave Billman was right, and the pig was 2^nd choice for the main course since I wouldn’t be available. They do their own butchering there – a lost art in the suburbs of Vancouver. Maybe they’ll give a night school course in it.

Hands up all those planning the big welcome at the airport. Put them down. Like Yogi Bera said, "It ain't over till it's over". I fully expected to maybe be stuck in Honolulu, but I'm stuck in Rarotonga!”

I arrived back from Aitataki around 8:00pm last night, and waited at the Airport for the midnight check in. I loved Aitataki, people actually made a special trip to the airport to see me off! (Not like in the opening scene of Raider’s of the Lost Ark!) When I arrived back in Rarotonga the airport was TOTALLY closed! Around midnight someone came and said: "Oh, there's no Aloha flight tonight. The plane didn't come in. 2nd time in two weeks! Be another one in three days – maybe.”

So there I was, stuck at the airport at 1:00am. Eventually after many phone calls they found me somewhere to stay (I have to pay because I'm on a staff ticket).

I called the head guy at Rarotonga Air that handles Aloha and assures me I'll get as far as Honolulu - after that, who knows? The flight on Sunday looks full to Vancouver. And of course, the plane may not come in at all. He didn’t sound to pleased about being awakened at one in the morning

I decided rather than hyperventilate I'd make the best of the situation. It would be three more days till the next plane came in - if it came in. I'd been booked into the Paradise Inn by the guy at Rarotonga Air. He said it was a nice place and good value for the money. Since I was traveling "staff" and had less status than other people's luggage, I'd have to pay my own way.

The place names in Rarotonga seem to be in direct contradiction to what they actually are. Take the Paradise Inn for example. It's very old but clean and close to town and the owners are friendly and the price is reasonable considering I don't know how long I'm going to be here!

Once I realized I couldn't really expect the type of motel I was use to in Canada, especially for only $70.00NZ, I realized it had a lot of charm. I especially liked the big common lounge that opened out onto a sundeck. One of the nice thing about the less expensive places is you meet people who have checked in to stay 4 or 5 weeks or longer.

I'm only a five-minute walk to town, and so I don't think I'm going to bother with a moped, motorcycle, or car. I consider I've had a long run of luck with driving here, and don't want to push it.

I spent the rest of Thursday exploring my new digs and went into town to check things out - I carefully avoided the Avis lot - in case they had an APB out on me regarding the left side mirror which I had sort of wedged back into position with a stick.

I walked to the travel bureau in town and asked them to check on the Aloha Flight on Sunday.

"It's Full,” the travel agent said.

Break out the brown paper bag again - begin Hyperventilating. Am I ever going to get out of this hellhole????? Don't they know my daughter is a bigwig at Westjet? Can't they see I'm wearing the Westjet t-shirt? Do they know how much Westjet stock I own??? I ran back to the Paradise Inn and called the head guy at Rarotonga Air again.

"It's empty,” he said.

"But She said it was full"

"Who you going to believe? A travel agent or the guy who looks after the flight?"

"I'll tell you when I get on the plane"

Thursday night was "Island Night" at "The Staircase Bar". It was $25.00NZ and included a meal. I decided to attend.

I was placed at a table with a Newly Wed couple and a couple of guys from England who were traveling around the world. One of them was a want-to-be accountant and the other was a postman who bore an uncanny resemblance to Uncle Fester of the Adam's Family. Now here's my question? Where do two guys like that get money to go around the world?

I learned a few things that night that I'll pass along. "Island Dancers" are a franchise operation. They all look alike sound alike and act alike. Once you've seen one, you've seen them all. If there are variations between the different groups it's beyond me. The other thing that hit home was I was "like the oldest guy in the room!" They were congratulating folks on 18 years of marriage (I've been married 30 I'm old enough to be their parents!). As soon as the dancing mercifully ended I asked for my bill and walker and left.

I'm going to spend most of my time for the next couple of days on the deck in front of the motel with a book, and maybe even take a dive tomorrow. Might as well make the best of my extra days in Paradise.

Went scuba diving today. It was an interesting experience. I couldn't quite get the buoyancy thing right. Either I was floating on the surface like a cork, or was scraping my belly on the coral. Don't think scuba is my thing. Sorry Elan, prefer to sit in the rowboat with the beer while YOU dive.

If I'm not home in a week, take up a collection for a ticket!!!

I'll email tomorrow or Saturday.

Jeff

Laid Back in Aitutaki

It's the second day here on Aitataki and I still DON"T know what I'm doing when I try to drive the motor scooter but I manage to get from place to place (so far)- except when I sort of rolled backwards down the grass slope by my house and fell off – like Arte Johnson on the kids trike in Laugh-In - no damage to me or the motor scooter. No one, and I mean no one wears helmets here. I don't think they even have helmets. Kids go to school standing up in the back of a pick up truck.

At dinner last night the local people put on a song and dance show - just for the heck of it - and it was unbelievably good. Left my moped at the lady’s house that invited me to the wedding and walked there and back. As everyone left they past me honked and waved. Funny thing though, none of them offered me a ride. Maybe they only do that when it’s light out.

I went reef fishing with a local guy today and we caught a whole bunch of fish (which I left with him).

I will say that Aitataki must be what Hawaii was like in the 1930's, quiet and laid back where everyone waves at you and has a moment to chat. The Neighborhood kids come by to visit, and despite my first impressions about what I got myself into, I've come to love this island. If you really want to see the South Seas like they used to exist, this is as good as it gets.

I spent the afternoon looking for presents for everyone, and have given up. Everything is cheap, gaudy and expensive, so these expensive emails are your gifts.

I'll try and write one more time. I leave tomorrow night. The locals are pretty insistent about me staying and going to the wedding, but I'm getting nervous about make my connecting flights, but it wouldn't take much to keep me here longer.

My Little Grass Shack in Aitutaki

Sorry, It's been a while since I've written, but it's been a busy time. Early Saturday I went to the local market. It was quite nice except for the incident with right hand driving mirror on the rent a car. I don't want to talk about that now! But I’m keeping my face covered when I go by the police station – just in case they look up when they’re issuing driver’s licenses to the tourists. Later I went swimming and ran into the Australian couple I went fishing with again, and we teamed up for the rest of the day. It was nice to have company for a change. I think I’ve stopped talking to myself as much now.

I was invited for dinner at this Canadian couple, Eldin and Sharon - they are the people who use to own a fishing boat in Rarotonga before they sold it and are living on a Canadian pension. Nice older couple who start drinking about of … 10.... minutes after they get up in the morning, so they were pretty looped by the time I came over for dinner. She reminds me of Dave's favourite old 70 year old downtown Los Vegas cocktail waitress = the one that looks like Marge Simpson’s sister, "Cocktails, honey?"

They had a couple of other guests as well including an Albertan divorcee who is big into guns and computers. Everyone proceeded to drink a lot - except me, as I was worried about driving home. I have enough trouble driving sober, but if I had too much to drink...

I ended up having to take the Alberta lady to her motel. I kept talking to her so she wouldn't pass out in the car – or make a pass at me. Got home in one piece.

Sunday continued to tour with the Australians and had dinner with them then went and caught midnight flight to Aitataki. Then dumped the old steed at the airport. Used a twig to prop the passenger side mirror in the upright position – hope Avis doesn’t notices. It appears that they're very religious on Aitataki and won't allow flights to land on Sunday, hence the midnight flight – they’re allowed to land 5 minutes AFTER midnight! Aitataki makes the little Airport in Delta look like O’Hare International. All they have is a long runway with a few lights and a grass shack to pick up your luggage. On the way to the luggage stand had to keep from tripping over big land crabs in the dark. Evidently they go at night to the ocean to lay their eggs. Glad they could see in the dark, because I couldn’t. Evidently the airport is smack in the middle of the Aitataki nine hole golf course. You have to actually cross the runway twice when playing. I don’t know if it’s a two-ball penalty if your ball gets sucked into the intake of a plane taking off.

Someone gave me a lift to my "beach house" as the person who was supposed to pick me up didn't show up. I was looking forward to my "Beach House" - until I got there. Let's just say it makes our cottage on Gambier Island look like a Beverly Hills mansion. It does have its own bathroom - outside - a "BioLoo” – a nice name for an outhouse.

It’s got Mosquito netting over the bed – and a big spray can of Roach Killer on the night table. The whole “beach house” is only about 24 feet by 16. It is on the beach, though. Went to bed, listening the scrabbling of the land crabs heading to sea to lay their eggs and cockroaches checking out the kitchen. I like to keep a glass of orange juice by the bed in case I get thirsty. About midnight, I heard a splash. Turned on the light to see a cockroach doing the backstroke in my glass of orange juice.

Awoke to the proverbial rooster and decided to take a walk before I was

Picked up for the lagoon cruise. Everyone who passed me offered me a ride. Was startled by many pigs running across the road. No dogs here, only pigs and cats.

The Lagoon cruise left from the most expensive resort on the island. Rooms BEGIN at $650 Cdn a night! Four nights there would cost more than my whole trip!

Got home and decided to rent a moped from the lady up the street. I had a choice of ONE! It was big and had gears. The lady showed me how to use it once and said good-bye and go slow till I know what I'm doing. She also mentioned they were having a wedding on Wednesday and invited me to it. Don’t think I’ll be able to go as I’m due to fly back to Rarotonga that night.

Don't mention the Pigs, Nigel!

Well it's been a pretty bizarre 24 hours. After sending the last email I went to the Fisherman's Club for a beer. I don't want to say they're getting to know me there, but when I walk in they call out "JEFF!"

My friend George Pitt’s brother (the owner of the TV station) was there with two of his older buddies. I'd say one was in his early 80's and looked like a British Major from the Crimea War. Well I made the mistake of commenting on how the national bird of Rarotonga should be the "Rooster" and the conversation sort of went down hill with this old chap from there. Somehow, as all conversations in Rarotonga do, we ended up discussing pigs. When this came up the other two guys began shaking their heads at me ala "Don't mention the war, Basil." In this case “Don’t mention the pigs, Jeff.”

But it was too late, the pig was out of the proverbial poke, as it were, and Gordon (that was the old guy’s name) started off on a diatribe of what people can and cannot do with other people's pigs. (I'm not making this up!) Evidentially if you catch a neighbours pig in your garden you can ask the local police to shoot it. (How the have time to do that I don't know - all they do is sell driver's licenses at 10 bucks a pop all day) Or (to get back to pigs) you can claim the pig as your own. But you have to share the meat 50/50 when you butcher it. When I questioned the old guy about this, he got furious with me - said "How dare I discuss pigs with him – what with me only being here 3 days!" He got up stormed out and disappeared in a blue cloud of moped exhaust.

The strange thing is that nobody seemed to notice. The conversation went on as if he'd never been there. I made a note to avoid mentioning pigs again while I was in the Cook Islands.

After the previous night disaster with dinner I decided to splurge and treat myself to a nice seafood dinner at a nice restaurant not far away from where I was staying. I got in my spiffy car and pulled up to the restaurant - a little to close as I knocked down their sign. On the positive side, I think I may be responsible for introducing valet parking on the islands, because the host, who witnessed my arrival, insisted on parking my car. I think she just wanted to try out a hot car. Not often she gets to check out a three cylinder Suzuki Swift. I should have checked the odometer. She was gone a while.

I think they were a little wary of me, because when I entered they gave me the bleakest darkest corner in the restaurant. Now the thing is that the rest of the restaurant was empty. All the other guests were out on the terraces, where all the tables were full or "booked" so I was off in a dark corner near the rest rooms. If I were any further isolated I would have been IN the restrooms. I think I heard one of them refer to it as the SARS table.

I ordered a nice Tuna steak, and a nice glass of white wine. The dinner came - eventually and was quite good. A waiter finally arrived and asked if I'd like another glass of wine. I said it was the custom in Canada to have the FIRST glass of wine first, before getting a second.

Needless to say I was not impressed with the service, but how to show it. They say that tipping here in the Cook Islands is frowned upon, so I came up with a unique solution. I'd leave a tip and a BIG one! That would show them!

I left in a splash of washer fluid, a flourish of my wipers, and a lurch into the road. I only managed to miss the cut off to my motel by a few yards this time. (Ended up in the Seventh Day Church yard). Got home and had a good night's sleep. The Casablanca fan drowns out the roosters.

This morning went fishing. Pretty uneventful day, other than falling off the boat and hanging off the ladder to the flying bridge like an orangutan over the water for a minute or so till someone noticed I was missing and helped swing me back in! Other than getting scratched up I'm okay. The only fish we got was a little tiny Tuna. No Marlin, no mahi-mahi – just a guppy! But we had a nice day on the water.

I checked with the travel agent and she says the flights for the day I'm due to come back and several more after are 99% full – Since I’m traveling standby I'm already beginning to hyperventilate.

Well that's about all there is too report from now. I'm going back to the Fisherman's club and hope the pig farmer isn't there.

Write again soon.

I am King in a Land of Mopeds!

Well things are looking up. Despite what my friends have suggested about not driving here, I have rented a spiffy Suzuki Sprint. I am a king in a land of mopeds! The entire Island now knows me from the moment I step into the passenger seat of my chariot and look for steering wheel (It's on the left). I manage a face saving recovery by muttering about my driver not showing up and disgustedly getting out of the car and walking around to the side with the steering wheel. Watch carefully check over the wrong shoulder, signal my entrance to traffic by turning on my windshield wipers (they are on the wrong side of the steering wheel) and launch out into traffic in 4th gear (the gears are reversed here – and you have to use your left hand to shift). It’s got now that mopeds swerve out of the way when they see my windshield wipers go on. I'll have Whole Island trained before I return home.

I thought the island seemed rather big, and was impressed that they had two airports here, until I realized I had traversed the island twice!

Last night I couldn't find a restaurant open so I stopped at a fried chicken place. I now found out what happens to chickens that stray on the road. Let's say the chicken got his revenge later that night and leave it at that.

Yesterday I also went back to the Fisherman's club for a beer (honestly just one, Steve, well ... maybe 2). An older lady came over and began talking to me. After 20 minutes it turned out that she was the Canadian Lady I had emailed about a fishing charter. She's arranging something for me on Friday and her and her husband Eldin (who looks like his name sounds) are inviting me for dinner Saturday - for a feast of Fanny Bay Oysters he just brought back from Vancouver Island. Better keep the Imodium out for that too!! Is there an "r" in November?"

I have now moved out of the Rooster Palace. I am on another side of the island at a place called the Daydreamer. Things have definitely improved! It's very upscale (comparatively) and my host is a Kiwi named Bruce who likes to drink Beer and talk and talk and talk.....

Tomorrow I am going fishing on a charter (weather permitting) and on Saturday I'm suppose to go fishing with a mate of Bruce’s (see I'm learning language). I'm supposed to bring a swat of beer and help with the petrol - whatever that is. By the way did I tell you my car has a bonnet and a boot and a three-legged hamster for an engine?

Well that's the highlights from the Cook Islands. I've got to go now and see if I can remember where I parked my car.

I Hate Rats

Well the trip started off a bit rocky, what with finding the dead rat in my new runners - thank you cat for the going away present. The trip was long - but uneventful. I managed to clear American Immigration in record time.

“Good morning, sir.”
“Not really. I found a dead rat in my runners this morning.”
“I hate rats!”
“Me too.”
“Go right ahead, sir.”

He didn’t even ask me where I was going or for how long, or what I do. The fact that I was a fellow member of the “I Hate Rats Club” was enough.

After 14 hours I arrived at Rarotonga. George Pitt’s sister (George is the media king in Rarotonga who I wrote was coming) who runs the “motel” met me. We stopped for a beer or two at the Fisherman's Club on the way back to the motel. The motel looked better at night after a few beers than it did this morning. First of all it's right on the highway so I get all the moped noise all night long, and it seems to be in the middle of a herd of wild roosters who don't seem to know or care when dawn is.

The bathroom's interesting - no mirrors. In fact no mirrors anywhere. I also haven't seen George or his sister since the sun came up. Makes me a bit nervous. I'm going to the market to buy a lot of garlic!!

I spent the morning in the little main town. Started to walk in and someone gave me a lift. People here are very friendly. I had to go to the Police station to get a local driver's license. They tell me that in all the years they’ve been giving road tests only one guy has failed. Don’t want to be number two so I passed on the Moped for now and got a car. Steering wheel is on the wrong side. Probably going to find a few more surprises about driving here.

I'm going to spend the rest of the day looking for more suitable accommodation.

I've booked four days at Aitataki (the other island). While I was booking there was a cancellation and I've "lucked into" a whole house right on the beach! I can’t wait to see it!! It was more than I wanted to spend, but what the heck I deserve three days of luxury! Hopefully it will have mirrors. (I wonder if I still have shaving cream on my face - people have been looking at me rather strangely).

Contrary to my friend Dave Billman’s predictions they haven't dragged out the big black pot yet.