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Cooked in the Cook Islands

The Misadventures of a Comedy Writers first trip alone to the far reaches of the South Pacific

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

My Little Grass Shack in Aitutaki


Sorry, It's been a while since I've written, but it's been a busy time. Early Saturday I went to the local market. It was quite nice except for the incident with right hand driving mirror on the rent a car. I don't want to talk about that now! But I’m keeping my face covered when I go by the police station – just in case they look up when they’re issuing driver’s licenses to the tourists. Later I went swimming and ran into the Australian couple I went fishing with again, and we teamed up for the rest of the day. It was nice to have company for a change. I think I’ve stopped talking to myself as much now.

I was invited for dinner at this Canadian couple, Eldin and Sharon - they are the people who use to own a fishing boat in Rarotonga before they sold it and are living on a Canadian pension. Nice older couple who start drinking about of … 10.... minutes after they get up in the morning, so they were pretty looped by the time I came over for dinner. She reminds me of Dave's favourite old 70 year old downtown Los Vegas cocktail waitress = the one that looks like Marge Simpson’s sister, "Cocktails, honey?"
They had a couple of other guests as well including an Albertan divorcee who is big into guns and computers. Everyone proceeded to drink a lot - except me, as I was worried about driving home. I have enough trouble driving sober, but if I had too much to drink...
I ended up having to take the Alberta lady to her motel. I kept talking to her so she wouldn't pass out in the car – or make a pass at me. Got home in one piece.
Sunday continued to tour with the Australians and had dinner with them then went and caught midnight flight to Aitataki. Then dumped the old steed at the airport. Used a twig to prop the passenger side mirror in the upright position – hope Avis doesn’t notices. It appears that they're very religious on Aitataki and won't allow flights to land on Sunday, hence the midnight flight – they’re allowed to land 5 minutes AFTER midnight! Aitataki makes the little Airport in Delta look like O’Hare International. All they have is a long runway with a few lights and a grass shack to pick up your luggage. On the way to the luggage stand had to keep from tripping over big land crabs in the dark. Evidently they go at night to the ocean to lay their eggs. Glad they could see in the dark, because I couldn’t. Evidently the airport is smack in the middle of the Aitataki nine hole golf course. You have to actually cross the runway twice when playing. I don’t know if it’s a two-ball penalty if your ball gets sucked into the intake of a plane taking off.
Someone gave me a lift to my "beach house" as the person who was supposed to pick me up didn't show up. I was looking forward to my "Beach House" - until I got there. Let's just say it makes our cottage on Gambier Island look like a Beverly Hills mansion. It does have its own bathroom - outside - a "BioLoo” – a nice name for an outhouse.
It’s got Mosquito netting over the bed – and a big spray can of Roach Killer on the night table. The whole “beach house” is only about 24 feet by 16. It is on the beach, though. Went to bed, listening the scrabbling of the land crabs heading to sea to lay their eggs and cockroaches checking out the kitchen. I like to keep a glass of orange juice by the bed in case I get thirsty. About midnight, I heard a splash. Turned on the light to see a cockroach doing the backstroke in my glass of orange juice.
Awoke to the proverbial rooster and decided to take a walk before I was
Picked up for the lagoon cruise. Everyone who passed me offered me a ride. Was startled by many pigs running across the road. No dogs here, only pigs and cats.
The Lagoon cruise left from the most expensive resort on the island. Rooms BEGIN at $650 Cdn a night! Four nights there would cost more than my whole trip!
Got home and decided to rent a moped from the lady up the street. I had a choice of ONE! It was big and had gears. The lady showed me how to use it once and said good-bye and go slow till I know what I'm doing. She also mentioned they were having a wedding on Wednesday and invited me to it. Don’t think I’ll be able to go as I’m due to fly back to Rarotonga that night.
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Why The Cook Islands? Why Me?

I never really intended to take this trip. I got cornered into it. Just like I managed to actually paint myself into a corner when I was about 13 (painting the patio at my folks home).

My daughter works for a Canadian Airline: Westjet – a great airline. One of the perks of having a child work for an airline is that the parents have travel privileges - not only on Westjet but on certain “sister” airlines. The downside is that you have to travel standby. Other people’s luggage has more priority than you do.

I happened to mention to my friends and co-workers about my good fortune. The conversations usually went:

“So I could travel almost anywhere for next to nothing.”

“So why don’t you?”

“I could if I wanted to.”

“So why don’t you?”

and so on. This worked until two years until my daughter mentioned she might not always be working for the airline, and if I was planning to ever use the privileges I’d better get on with it.

Suddenly, the corner I was painting myself into got smaller. Any excuse I found for not going was quickly dismissed.

“I’m needed at work.”

“We can work without you. It will be quicker and quieter without you around.”

“What if I get trapped and can’t get home?”

“We’ll take up a collection.”

Finally I gave in. I was thinking of going to Hawaii on Aloha airlines, and checking their Website I saw they also went to the Cook Islands. That sounded a lot more exotic than Hawaii. Besides, I’d always wanted to go the South Sea Islands.

However the thought of traveling alone, and knowing not a soul where I would be going was truly terrifying. I’m sure I’d be like Mr. Bean on Vacation: All by myself on the beach muttering incoherently to myself.

Then I had a great idea. I work in TV. I noticed on the Cook Island Web Site that there was a TV station on Rarotonga. I emailed the station saying that I work in TV and would love to see how they produce television in the Cook Islands. I was thrilled when I got an email a few hours later from George Pitt who not only owned the TV station in Rarotonga but the one radio and newspaper as well. He’d be thrilled to meet me. Not only that he had a new motel that he’d give me a special rate for.

I always wanted to go deep-sea fishing, so I tried to book a trip online. The fishing charter company I chose answered. The woman, Sharon, was from Squamish, B.C. just up the road as it were from where I live in Richmond, B.C.. Her husband and her didn’t own the boat anymore, but would arrange a charter for me and even have me over for dinner! At this point things were looking up.

It was going to be a great trip. So suddenly from not knowing a soul, I had two new friends, a fishing trip, a dinner invitation and a cheap place to stay. What could possibly go wrong?